![]() ![]() Written abuse plagues much of the Internet, and attempts to deal with it are still inadequate. This triggered a flood of similar accounts across blogs, message boards, and discussion threads. In 2011, Kitty Stryker, a blogger and longtime member of the BDSM community, spoke out about having her negotiated boundaries repeatedly violated by people she trusted. Just as the rest of society has more openly confronted the ugly reality of rape, the BDSM scene has had to acknowledge that "Safe, Sane, Consensual" is often more of an ideal than reality. But Lokerson and others have long contended that FetLife does an inadequate job of safeguarding its users, and even creates a false sense of safety in the community-primarily, by preventing identification of abusive members. FetLife lets members discuss issues, explore their desires, and arrange offline events and dates. All those rules-summed up by the oft-repeated community mantra "Safe, Sane, Consensual"-are vital to making risky practices like bondage and the infliction of pain safer.Īlso worrisome is that many dipping a toe in the waters of BDSM will start exploring through FetLife, which, with more than 3.5 million members, is the most popular social networking site for kinksters. Her main concern is that newbies can put themselves in danger. That’s because Lokerson has seen many Fifty Shades converts dive headfirst into BDSM, without taking much time to educate themselves about the elaborate rules, rituals, and culture that have developed over decades. “I’m not looking forward to it,” says Autumn Lokerson, a BDSM blogger and self-identified submissive. But the kink community is less than enthusiastic about that. The film version, which hit theaters on February 14, will probably trigger a second surge. The Fifty Shades of Grey books have unleashed a wave of mainstream interest in kinky sex since their arrival in 2011.
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